The girl who hated change.

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My mind was whirling around with a million different thoughts and ideas as I was trying to think of a  “good enough”  topic to write about, but nothing seemed to be “good enough.” Nothing seemed to be real, true, or simply what God wanted me to write.

That’s when I felt a tug at my heart and a gentle whisper flowing into my ear from God saying… “All you have to do is simply pour out your heart. Write about your biggest fears, your failures, and your passions. Write your story. The lessons you’ve learned and how it’s all been used for good. How it has all stretched and molded you.”

So, here I am, about to share a struggle and lesson that God has taught me. No topic seemed “good enough” to write about, so I’m sharing about how God had completely turned my life upside down, transformed my heart, and showed me that change really could be good.

I’m sharing about how a girl who feared change, who actually hated change, had ended up having to endure more change than she thought possible in only two years. I’m sharing about how God had transformed and changed a girls’ heart that hated change, that didn’t even like the very word.

The girl who woke up every morning at 6am, the girl who had planned the night before what she was going to eat for breakfast, the girl who had her outfit picked out for the next day every night, the girl who had to have every single thing on her to-do list marked off by a certain time, the girl whose family moved across the world twice in two years, the girl who lost her everyday routine, the girl who hardly knew what state she would wake up in the next morning since moving to America, and the girl who ran on her family’s schedule which seemed to run on every other person’s schedule. That girl learned a lot more than she could have imagined when her schedule and life got shaken up and completely turned upside down.

There are many pro’s and con’s to deputation/furlough and for the most part it was great. Although the biggest con would have to have been the fact that I completely lost my routine, matter of fact I think the very word “routine” was taken out of my dictionary for the year and a half we were in the states, but that’s ok, because from what I learned during that time made it completely worth it.

I learned that life didn’t only surround around me and my plans, I learned that God’s plans were much and far far better than my own, I learned that being spontaneous isn’t as horrible as I thought, I learned that some of the best memories I made were because I chose to accept the change, but most importantly I learned to surrender each and every day to Christ.

To surrender my fears, my worry, my routine, my all and give it to Him. To put it in His hand’s every single day and see how it would play out. Some of the best memories I made involved and required me to fully accept the insane change that had taken place in my life.

Most importantly I learned that sometimes our schedule gets shaken up a bit only so we can learn something from it. I learned that it didn’t matter how much I mapped and planned out my day, God usually had something different and better in mind.

For the longest time in my mind my routine and schedule had been insanely messed up for a whole year and a half. I hardly could keep up with what states we would be in or going through that very week. (I only wish I were exaggerating, but really I’m not lol.)

The girl who had her schedule and routine, perfectly planned out everyday. The girl who got frustrated when thing’s interfered with “her schedule.” The girl who wasn’t flexible with daily events getting switched around and the girl who is still now to this day learning to be more flexible. She went from orderly routine to completely having to put every second of her day into God’s hands, because she had no idea what the day or week would hold. The girl who had a complete change of heart, because God so gently reminded her that she had to let go and let Him work out every part of her day or she wouldn’t be able to find the peace and joy she needed in her life.

One of the biggest things I have loved about being in Italy is, as funny as it may sound, is waking up in the same town, house, and even bed every. morning. Don’t get me wrong I love traveling, I love meeting new people, and I love seeing new places, but there’s something amazing about being in the same place every morning when you open your eyes to a bright new day, about going to the same kitchen and making coffee in the same place every single morning. Since being in Italy I’ve sorta had my routine back, but this time it’s a little different. This time I plan out my day, but I’m now learning to be more willing to accept change if my plan for the day doesn’t match up with my family or God’s plans. I definitely don’t take for granted the more normal as-it-gets life I have here, in fact I am thankful for it. I’m thankful I moved from Peru, to America, to Italy. Despite all the pain it may have held – the memories my heart holds, the stories I can now tell, and the change and work God has done in my heart has made it worth it.

So, here I am pouring out my heart, simply to remind you that life isn’t suppose to be perfectly planned out. We don’t and can’t know what tomorrow holds, but we can choose to trust the One who holds our tomorrow. We can choose to put our day in His hands. We can choose to step out in faith. We can choose to simply trust.

The only thing that hasn’t changed since we’ve been in Italy is my love for routine and schedule. Actually, I now think the word “routine” has been put back into my dictionary.

But my point isn’t if routine or a schedule is good or bad, it’s more about our state of heart. It’s about if we are willing to accept the change God places in our life with a good spirit or not. God has taught me that it doesn’t have to all be perfect, that its ok if life gets shaken up a little bit, its ok if He changes it for His plan, which is ultimately always better despite what my thoughts may be at times.

Daily I’m still learning to be flexible with change and to accept it with a willing heart and attitude. Usually when thing’s don’t run on my schedule it’s because God has something better. It’s because God is so lovingly trying to tell my stubborn I-want-things-to-go-my-way kind of self that life isn’t always about me and my wants, but about HIM. About sharing His love and about being willing, submissive, and accepting to His perfect plan.

Change in and of itself is extremely hard nonetheless trying to be content with it, but God has and is teaching me that being content with His plans comes right along with accepting them. He is so good and all that He does is for our benefit whether we realize it or not. So, I challenge you with whatever kind of change that may have taken place in your life choose to accept it with a willing and joyful spirit. It’s not always easy to be content with what happens in our lives, but when we choose to accept it we can find true peace.

Philippians 4:11 (KJV)

Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

I find myself reading this verse often, because its such a great reminder for me to be content with what we have in life no matter what has taken place.

Much love & blessings, Moriah

2 thoughts on “The girl who hated change.

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