I’m going to be real and honest with you, more than I have ever been.
Maybe you take the time to read my writing, or maybe you don’t.
You might see something encouraging or relatable, you might think I’m confident because I share my writing, maybe you even think I’m crazy to spend so much time writing about my faith, maybe you think I have my life together or maybe you think the complete opposite.
I don’t know. I don’t know what you think, of me or my writing, but can I tell you something that you don’t see?
You don’t see the person behind the screen.
You don’t see fear working it’s way up my spine and you don’t see my fingers tremble each time I click ‘publish’.
You don’t see me awake at dawn while tears gently roll down my face as I passionately pour my heart out on page after page.
You don’t see me drowning in the enemies lies.
You don’t see me sitting in complete brokenness desperately trying to find words to encourage you.
You don’t see me stressing out over the fact that I haven’t written a new blog post in weeks.
You don’t see me feeling like a failure.
You don’t see me re-reading each and every one of my words over and over again wondering if they make any sense whatsoever.
You don’t see the insecurity that is behind each post, each sentence, each word.
You don’t see me discouraged and at my lowest.
You don’t see the messy girl behind the screen just praying and waiting to see if her words could have made even a small impact or difference in at least one person’s life.
2 Cor. 12:9 (KJV)
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
The person that hides behind this screen is just like you.. human. Not anything more- just incredibly messy and in need of God’s grace every single day.
I felt God’s grace flood through every inch of who I am when I realized that if it wasn’t for His strength, I would have quit writing, sharing my heart, and being an open book a long time ago.
I realized that if it wasn’t for Him, I wouldn’t be sharing these words with you right now.
I realized that it’s only by His never-ending grace that I’m here.
I’m anything but confident. I’m not brave for being transparent and running a blog doesn’t make me any better than the person right next to me.
I don’t know about you, but I’m extremely messy and I’m just trying to find peace in the chaos. I’m trying to find understanding in the midst of confusion. I’m trying to live by faith. I’m trying to let go of worry and by prayer enter the realm of beautiful possibilities.
Hebrews 4:16 (KJV)
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
I just want this to be a little reminder that none of us really know what we’re doing. We’re all just taking each day as it comes with a lot of faith. We’re all learning and growing. I don’t know, some of you might have your lives perfectly planned out, but for the ones who don’t. It’s okay. I’m right there with you. Let’s keep living by faith, everything will work out in His perfect way, I promise. Living by faith- it makes you admirable.
I maybe, perhaps, have a rough draft of my life planned out, but I’m leaving the final copy up to God because if I’ve learned anything it’s that He is a far better writer than I am.
I hope you leave the final copy up to God too, my friends.
Love and blessings,